Professor T. Halberd
3 years ago
A Christmas Carol...In Riddlesdiculous
Greetings, fellow seekers of incomprehensibilities! Tis I, Dr. T Halberd, with a few new discoveries you should be made aware of. As I am a linguist, philosopher and amateur Minecraft player, my time is at a premium. Which is sadly why I just recently broke up with my girlfriend. We only dated for 2 days and three and a half hours…yet emotionally I’m devastated. I thought it was forever, but she just could not handle my courageous pursuit of hidden occult truths! Anyway, I found myself sulking around the town feeling sorry for myself. And to make matters worse, it was Christmas Time, when everyone else seems to be so damn happy! I hate it when I see happy people. When I walked by, I noticed that there were decorations all over the town and some sort of holiday fair going on. I found it particularly annoying and deemed it a likely ‘super spreader event’. However, as I wondered off, I heard the sound of Christmas carols being sung nearby. But these discordant tunes were far different from any musicality I had ever heard before. I decided to sneak up and find out more. It was coming from a small puppet stage that was tucked into an ally. There were a few children there listening so I decided to stagger down the cobblestone road to get closer.
There was a jester dressed in purple dancing around with a paper in hand... and behind him several puppets peeked out from a small stage. The stage was actually a miniature tent with a large opening in the front, a curious symbol on top and odd embroidery of masks decorating the hems. The puppets and the ragged joker were singing a song together…it sounded like the melody from O Christmas tree. But the words and sounds were unlike anything I had before experienced. As the children watched in rapt attention, a strange scintillation seemed to hang in the air. My eyes began to play tricks on me as the Jester moved to some archaic dance perhaps originating sometime in the Neolithic. It may have been the 4 cosmopolitans I had early that afternoon, but it seemed to me that there was a shadow moving just behind the audience. Clearly some dark spiritual power was at work, and the performance had awakened some force I could not discern.
This was the song that they were singing:
Karistmals Geeth, Karistmals Geeth,
Statigee aeram haekae!
Karistmals Geeth, Karistmals Geeth,
Sloon aeram stai zaneedpae.
Keedo aw raished dokeln ga,
Oot klodeste aw neekit ga.
Karistmals Geeth, Karistmals Geeth,
Statigee aeram haekae!
Karistmals Geeth, Karistmals Geeth,
Haekae keedo ootaefuhtawn.
Karistmals Geeth, Karistmals Geeth,
Sta awnan lee slooln oondtuhtawn.
Otlai teelingee Karistmals Geeth,
Oochaur iplinthlaadingeed aa lee.
Karistmals Geeth, Karistmals Geeth,
Sloon aakesal stai spaedingee!
After the troupe of thespians, widely known as 'Riddlesbrood', had left, I found the paper that the joker was holding. It was a musical score (You can see it above). After running back to my roommate’s house I took the time to examine it closely and found it to be written in Brooding! The very language I have been telling you about for years!!!! There can be no real understanding of what I had seen and heard without the belief in the supernatural, a power which this strange theatre troupe can control.
A rough translation of the Brooding:
Karistmals Geeth, Karistmals Geeth
Christmas’s tree, Christmas’s tree
Statigee aeram haekae
So pretty are your branches
Karistmals Geeth, Karistmals Geeth
Christmas’s tree, Christmas’s tree
Sloon aeram stai zaneedpae
You are quite clever.
Keedo aw raished dokeln ga
Green in the summer’s heat
Oot klodeste aw neekit ga
But also in the winter
Karistmals Geeth, Karistmals Geeth
Christmas’s tree, Christmas’s tree
Statigee aeram haekae
So pretty are your branches
Karistmals Geeth, Karistmals Geeth
Christmas’s tree, Christmas’s tree
Haekae keedo ootaefuhtawn
Green branches make us happy
Karistmals Geeth, Karistmals Geeth
Christmas’s tree, Christmas’s tree
Sta awnan lee slooln oondtuhtawn
So much do we love the decorating of you
Otlai teelingee Karistmals Geeth
Annually, Christmas tree
Oochaur iplinthlaadingeed aa lee
Brings joyousness to us
Karistmals Geeth, Karistmals Geeth
Christmas’s tree, Christmas’s tree
Sloon aakesal stai spaedingee
You shine so very brightly.
Now this all must be taken with great earnestness, for the jester then seemed to realize I was watching him, and he gave me a wink before finally ducking behind the tent. The puppets also went down to a corny sound effect and the kids clapped in amazement. As the curtains closed, the show's final notes faded into an unsettling silence. But for me, the true performance had just begun—a haunting investigation into the shadows. The air was heavy with unspoken secrets, and the approaching New Year's Eve cast an ominous glow.
